:.Puzz1ed P1ace.:

JustDads.co.uk – news and articles affecting dads and babies

Are you sitting comfortably? Probably notAlmost half of UK kids will grow up without ever hearing a bedtime story, a new survey reports. The study for Silentnight Beds says that an average of 47 per cent of kids listen to music or watch TV rather than having a story from their parents. Dads are the worst culprits, as just 13 per cent regularly read to their children, compared to 46 per cent of mums.

Child Psychologist, Dr Pat Spungin said, “The benefits of bedtime reading from an early age are evident with 38 per cent of children going on to read for themselves before bed – this is a healthy routine to get in to as it will improve their creativity, reading and writing skills, not to mention help them to relax and sleep better.”

Steven Simpson from Silentnight adds, “Bedtime should be an enjoyable experience for people of all ages – for children, its important that they associate their beds with a positive experience from an early age – reading a story and spending some quality time with your children is the perfect way to do this.”

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A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
“Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.”

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MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

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FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

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Just a quick test for tired brains

Answer the following questions instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?

Let’s find out just how clever you really are….

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 Now add 10 . What is the total?
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! 

Fourth Question:
Mary’s father has five daughters:
1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
He just has to open his mouth and ask… It’s really very simple….

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Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu.
When someone smiled at me today

I started smiling too.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.2 and 1.5.0.10 Released – MozillaZine Talkback

Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.2 and 1.5.0.10 Released
Friday February 23rd, 2007New Security and Stability updates for Mozilla Firefox have been released.

Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.2, a security and stability update for Firefox 2 addresses several security issues. All users are encouraged to upgrade to this release. For more information, refer to the Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.2 Release Notes.

Mozilla Firefox 1.5.0.10, a security and stability update for Firefox 1.5 addresses several security issues. Users of Firefox 1.5 are encouraged to update to Firefox 2. Security updates for Firefox 1.5 will be discontinued on April 24, 2007. For more information, refer to the Mozilla Firefox 1.5.0.10 Release Notes

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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are getting weak? Don’t even deny it!

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know
there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles
are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the fridge with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first
try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping trolley then apologises for doing so, why do we say, “It’s
all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That
hurt,you stupid idiot?”

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in
summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it
down
to give the vacuum one more chance?

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Just came across this on a FMS support site.  Hadn't realised before quite how much was wrong with me
 
So here it is – the 50 signs of FMS…

1. pain
2. fatigue
3. sleep disorder
4. morning stiffness
5. cognitive or memory impairment
6. irritable bowel
7. chronic headaches
8. TMJ syndrome
9. numbness and tingling sensation
10. muscle twitching
11. skin sensitivities
12. dry eyes and mouth
13. dizziness
14. allergic symptoms 
15. mitral valve prolapse
16. heel or arch pain
17. brain fatigue
18. painful periods
19. chest pains, noncardiac
20. depression
21. panic attacks
22. irritable bladder
23. multiple chemical sensitivities
24. joint hypermobility
25. suicidal
26. personality changes
27. lightheadedness
28. disequilibrium
29. severe muscle weakness
30. intolerance of bright lights
31. alteration of taste, smell, hearing
32. low frequency, sensorineural hearing loss
33. decreased painful sound threshold
34. ringing in the ears
35. exaggerated involuntary rapid eye movement
36. changes in visual acuity
37. intolerance of alcohol
38. enhancement of medication side effects
39. intolerance of previously tolerated medications
40. severe nasal and other allergies possible sinus infections
41. weight change (gain)
42. muscle and joint aches
43. night sweats
44. heart palpitations
45. muscle spasms
46. Raynaud's-like symptoms
47. carpal tunnel syndrome
48. heartburn
49. difficulty swallowing
50. interstitial cystitis 

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Received this by email the other day – thought I'd share…

Sometimes you have to give a little thought to how your website will read:

1. A site called 'Who Represents ' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
   www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church Their website is www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there's expeditious art designers, and their
   website:
   www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com  

DISCLAIMER: This e-mail is a natural product. The slight inconsistencies in
spelling and grammar only enhance its distinct character and are in no way
to be considered flaws or defects

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The circles appear to rotate when you move your head closer and further away from the screen while looking at the dot in the center. Our peripheral vision interprets the relative increase or decrease of the image in the retina as rotational motion of the slanted lines.

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Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Exactly HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

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